TJR: The Raw Deal for 10/26/09 (HHH vs. Big Show)

Welcome to the Raw Deal. I watch Raw, give my thoughts on everything that went down, bring it home with the three stars of the show plus a final rating and then end the Raw discussion with the thoughts from my friends on Facebook in the weekly Commentfest, which is again pretty long. (That’s what she said. Sorry, The Office reference there.) Anyway, my stuff’s going to be short this week because this is already late and I’m not feeling too well (it’s a hangover rather than being sick), so I apologize for the brevity of it.

I saw the Bragging Rights PPV. I didn’t think it was very good. The Cena/Orton match was a letdown in the sense that it probably would have been very good at 30 minutes, but they spent at least half the match doing things to kill time. It was too slow for my tastes. Neither guy sold beatings very much I’d rate it at **1/2, which is average, but not nearly as good as I thought it would be. I’m stunned that they’re so afraid of real blood spouting that they’d send out a team to cover it up mid match. It was not the epic or classic match that WWE will claim it to be. Usually I don’t mind when they claim that stuff. In this case that’s just wrong. I’m glad Big Show turned on Team Raw. It’s an exciting angle. I mentioned it in my preview, but didn’t go with it as my official pick. Ah well. The match was just average. A lot of hype for something as minor as that is pretty disappointing. But hey, at least there’s a trophy.

Check out the Raw Roster Evaluation I posted on Monday by clicking right here. It was a lot of fun and I’ve got good feedback so far, but I’d like more. Please give it a look and share your thoughts with me.

Live from Buffalo, New York here’s the Raw Deal…

The show starts with Jerishow celebrating the SD win at the PPV. Jericho’s hugging that trophy like it’s the Stanley Cup, which is hilarious because the trophy means very little in the big picture. Jericho was bragging while Show pointed out that he did what he did because Teddy Long decided to give him a title shot at Undertaker’s World Title. Oh, sneaky. I don’t want to see Show vs. Taker again, but what can ya do? Vince loves the big guys. Jericho was pissed about him not getting a shot, which brought out the guest hosts: Kyle Busch and Joey Logano. I know of Busch, but I don’t watch NASCAR. They weren’t great on the stick. Busch tried to heel it up by ripping on Buffalo saying they haven’t made the playoffs (in the NFL) since Hulkamania. That’s not true. They made it in 1999, but they haven’t made the Super Bowl since the 1993 season. Anyway, I’ve gone off topic. They say that at the end of the show they’d name John Cena’s challenger at Survivor Series while Jericho will face Kofi Johnson! Or Kingston. What a nice screw-up. I love when people say they’re a big fan and then they butcher a name. That will never get old.

Kofi Kingston d. Chris Jericho (***)
Reason #4,871 to love Chris Jericho: He puts people over. This match was a lot of fun. As much as I like both guys (Kofi was my #3 performer on all of Raw and my Jericho appreciate is well known), I have to admit that they had poor chemistry at times. That’s probably because they haven’t worked together much. You could tell there were some minor communication issues, but they got it together to have a strong finish. I think it worked well with Jericho hitting the Codebreaker, then Kofi getting his foot up. That set up the finish with Jericho bitching at the ref while Kofi hit Trouble in Paradise for the win. This is how WWE books stuff. Jericho goes over Kingston one night, then Kofi goes over the next. I have no beef with Kofi winning here, but they do it far too often and it doesn’t have the impact that they think it does. Go Kofi Johnson! I mean Kingston.

Following the match, with Kofi celebrating up the ramp we saw Randy Orton chuck him off the stage and onto the side metal part of the cage. I thought it was going to be some kind of throwaway segment. I’m glad I was wrong.

This Friday on Smackdown: More on Batista attacking Rey. I knew the heel turn was coming, but I think it’s a bit rushed. I’ll write more about it after seeing SD this week, though.

Backstage, Orton blamed Kofi for losing at Bragging Rights because he chased off Legacy. Then Cody along with Ted came in to show Randy the new race car, NASCAR style, they got for him. It had Randy’s face on it. Randy stared and stared and stared some more.

Backstage, the hosts were talking to Eve. Swagger came in, said he should face Cena and then Miz did the same. They both argued. Similar to their act when Kofi had the US belt. It was okay.

Before the next match, Santino’s selling of the paparazzi taking his picture was better than most of the selling of moves that John Cena did in the Ironman match. I wish I was serious. Santino rules.

Maria & Santino d. Team Jobber: Chavo & Jillian (DUD)
Predictable with the face side winning. I love Santino’s offense. The man is gold, Jerry. Gold! Melina botched the finish with Jillian. Stop trying to do Amazing Red’s Infrared move if you can’t do it right. This isn’t the first time. She then did her leg split thing to cover her. That’s nice. Post match, Horny came out in DX gear again and he was served with lime green papers. Lawler told us that it was a cease and desist order from DX. Angle of the year? No.

If you’re counting, two matches in the first hour. One of them went two minutes.

In ring, instead of the new WWE Champion (until he loses it at Survivor Series because there has to be a title switch every month apparently) we got Dibiase & Rhodes. They wanted to face John Cena. Cena came out. This was unintentionally hilarious because Cena made the claim that they haven’t earned it while also saying in the same promo that the fans wanted something fresh. Keep that in mind later on. Cena the hype man introduced the next match.

Mark Henry & MVP aka Black Dudes in Red d. Legacy aka Baby Oil Boys Club (3/4*)
Just a refresher here. Mark Henry and Cody Rhodes were useless parts of Team Raw a night earlier while MVP wasn’t good enough to be on the team and Ted Dibiase wasn’t good enough either. Way to book people strong. The same Legacy team that made DX submit in a tag match a month ago lost in about four minutes here. The pinfall was weak. MVP had him in a sunset flip, Henry (barely) hit him with a clothesline and Ted tried fighting out, but failed. Not a good match at all.

After the match, Orton stared his way out there to bitch about not getting a title shot. Everybody booed him. The man is getting some awesome heel heat right now. He continued to bitch when Kofi Johnson/Kingston appeared on the screen. He was standing on Randy’s car. If somebody stands on your new ride would you watch a video wall or would you confront them? Randy Orton, the dangerous viper, would watch. And he did. He watched Kofi dent it, scratch it and pour orange paint (I think that’s what it was) on it. The crowd loved it. They are big time into Kofi as they should be. He’s great. I’m pleasantly surprised that he was featured as much as he was on this show. Maybe my prediction for him being elevated in the Roster Evaluation will hold true! I hope. No more accent for Kofi either. That’s fine. His dad, Magic Johnson, would be proud. (No, that’s not really his dad.)

The Buffalo Bills were there. Of course they were. Worst 3-3 team in the NFL. Good for them.

Evan Bourne d. The Miz by countout (*1/2)
Eve was guest ring announcing. Let’s just say that she looks better than she announces. I was really looking forward to a good match here. It was good for a bit, but it only went about four minutes. Jack Swagger came out mid match, then cut a promo on Eve saying she was looking at him. This pissed off Miz. He confronted him, then Bourne jumped on them and scurried back in to beat the count, which was not stopped when Bourne jumped on them. Apparently the Eve-Miz thing is some long term thing. Not sure where it’s headed, but it’s something to keep an eye on. And so are Eve’s legs, by the way. By the way, Evan Bourne is still the performer that is booked the worst on Raw. Congrats Evan.

Next week’s Raw guest hosts: Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne. Man, I was going to take next week off The Raw Deal because it’s my birthday next week, but knowing that Ozzy’s going to be given a live microphone means I have to write about it. I can’t wait for all the screw-ups! As a preview, here’s Ozzy singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame at a Cubs game a few years back. I need to get that as a ringtone!

Sheamus d. Jamie Noble (1/2*)
Raw signed Sheamus. Who exactly signed somebody that has only been on TV for about six months? No idea. His look is so different from the norm, but apparently he’s well liked by guys like HHH and HBK, so that’s why the move happened. I like him. Reminds me a lot of Finlay (when he was younger) and he’s got good potential as a serious kind of wrestler. The match was a squash. By the way, my evaluation of Seamus is going in the ECW roster evaluation to be posted on Monday.

Triple H d. Big Show (**)
This was actually a lot of fun. I think they realized it could be a bad match, so they added in gimmicks of having lumberjacks (oh no, Chavo and Primo might beat up Big Show!) and John Cena as the ref. For this match, I’ll call him Hunter the Raw Avenger instead of Hunter the McMahon Family Avenger. Jericho bailed through the crowd as soon as the Raw guys came out, which was hilarious. It was a vintage HHH vs. Big Show match. Things broke down about 10 minutes in when Show had HHH pinned, then Cena faked an injury on the third count. That cued up all the Raw guys to hit their finishers on Show. Kool-Aid splashed him in the corner, Bourne hit his Shooting Star Press and my boy Santino did his snake motions, then almost ate a chokeslam except Kofi Johnson/Kingston gave Show the Trouble in Paradise kick to stun him. Eventually Michaels hit a superkick (he didn’t hit it very well) and the Raw Avenger gave him the Pedigree for the win.

Post match, Busch & Logano announced the main event at Survivor Series would be Cena defending the title against Triple H and Shawn Michaels because they haven’t done a Triple Threat for a couple months (Orton vs. Cena vs. The Avenger) and they have to do another one, I guess. Remember Cena hinting at new faces in the title picture? So much for that idea. Ah well, at least Michaels is in it.

Three Stars of the Show
1. Kofi Kingston – This is the star making feud Raw needs.
2. Chris Jericho – Put Kofi over clean and was great with the guest hosts as usual.
3. Randy Orton – He was great. Of course he was. He had to stare a lot.

Rating: 5.5 (out of 10)
Last week: 7.5

I’m not sure if I’m being generous with that rating or not. I watched this show and I felt so pleased with how Kofi Kingston was used. Give me Kofi vs. Orton on PPV please. I won’t even care if Orton wins. I just want it to get significant time and to continue going forward.

I don’t hate Cena vs. HHH vs. HBK because I’m such a huge HBK fan. However, have we had a PPV this year when at least one of Cena or HHH weren’t in a title match? You don’t have to email me about it. It’s not important. It’s just sad that they have to keep going to that same well over and over.

The guest hosts weren’t very good. It’s not surprising. Race car drivers aren’t exactly the kind of people you’d expect to be comfortable speaking in front of 15,000 people in a wrestling ring.

By the way, I really don’t need to see Undertaker vs. Big Show ever again. Please change the match. Come on. I said please.

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Thoughts from the Facebook friends aka CommentFest
Here are some random thoughts from some of my facebook friends (just head to Facebook.com/thejohnreport) after I asked for some comments about the show. The comments in green are from the CommentFest while my comments, which will usually be sarcastic, will follow in the brackets when necessary. Got another record amount of comments this week at slightly over 1,000, so I had a lot of sifting to do with this:

9:01 replay of “Vintage Bragging Rights” quote in the video montage counts as the first Vintage of the night!!!

Team Raw didn’t win because they didn’t have the unstoppable beast, Hornswoggle.

Wrasslin’ and Nascar. Who says WalMart is the only place you can go for white trash one stop shopping?

Aww…Jeri-show is having a bitch fight.

Listen to Show say “Chris” does that remind anyone of the Southpark Satan character? (Well, it’s the same name at least.)

….Say what…Taker vs Show…oh dear lord. (You can just feel the excitement, can’t you?)

Don’t these rednecks know how much tires and gas are running nowadays? Oh yeah that’s right… they do the same thing every week…drive fast and turn left, occasionally get gas and tires…

Hey look the Guest Host Sluts. (The Bellas should trademark that name. It’s money.)

That guy is 19? Damn I could be a host. (Thanks for posting…insert name of 19 year old celebrity. I’m hungover. I got nothing.)

Stay in your car. That is why you drive and not announce.

All right…where are the banjos?

Way to go Kyle: “Joey and I are huge WWE fans and we are here tonight to host… (trying to find the name of the show in his pigeon brain) Raw!”

I’d rather listen to Cole talk for the next two hours straight than listen to Kyle Busch say another word. (Whoa, whoa, whoa, are you really sure about that? And I thought I was drunk!)

What a jackass…Kofi Johnson!!

KOFI JOHN-KINGSTON!!

Kofi Johnson vs Chris Jericho. What a push for Johnson!

It never stops being funny when the hosts don’t know someone’s name, does it? (As chairman of the untintentional Raw funny committee I say that it never stops.)

Two redneck drivers dissing a redneck city like Buffalo, yeah that’s rich.

Officially the worst Raw Hosts ever…and its been 15 minutes…I Miss Eric Bischoff =( (Hey, ZZ Top disagrees!)

Kofi Johnson, from that famous wrestling family that also brought us BIG DICK Johnson. (They look alike.)

I had my glowsticks ready!!!! WTF no DX in the opener they better come out my glowsticks only last up to an hour

Let me just say I am a huge Nascar fan… most of our drivers have a personality, not sure WHY they chose these two goobers! (WWE sponsored the cars.)

Dream Match: Kofi Kingston vs Yoshi Tatsu in a Who’s More Excited to be Here Match. (White guys are never that excited to be there, huh?)

Classic Jericho!!

CLASSIC JERICHO = VINTAGE JERICHO!!!

Classic Jericho? Not Vintage? Michael Cole, I don’t even know you! (Consider yourself lucky.)

Kofi Johnson is going to be a big star in the future, just need to get a gimmick…hmmm give him a Jamican accent and say he is from Jamica…and change his last name….lets see Kingston…there we have it.

During the commercial break, Terrell Owens got a tshirt shot right at him from the shirt cannon…but he dropped it. (He still plays? Oh wait, he’s in Buffalo. I guess he doesn’t.)

Did I just witness a decent length match on Raw? Must be because Jericho was involved.

See triple h, learn from chris thats how u help make new stars…

Damn…as much as I respect Jericho for putting other dudes over and losing clean week after week, I really don’t like that he looks like the weak heel who has a big mouth and nothing to back it up with.

Now see, if Orton were to do that to Cena, he’d bounce off the steel as if he were made out of Rubber and knock Orton on his rump with the Unstoppable Shoulder Block of the Apocalypse. (That’s good, but it’s the Unstoppable VINTAGE Shoulder Block of the Apocalypse. Get it right next time!)

It is blatantly obvious that John has Jericho sitting atop at number one on Smackdown. (It’s him or Slam Master J. I’m torn.)

GREAT…Cena’s new nickname is going to be IRONMAN? The day he starts to come out to ANYTHING sang by Ozzy is the day I obtain a sniper rifle and bring justice to those responsible…SUPERCENA isn’t good enough? What’s next with ripping off Superheroes, AQUACENA? (I want to see that actually.)

John C. going to be on WWE.com to look at Mickie’s “halloween pictures”… John and his fantasies about Mickie the nurse, Mickie the school girl, Mickie the cheerleader… (They didn’t post any of her. I’m in protest.)

Orton heel heat is so good, that car would get booed by other cars if it went out on the streets.

If you get Randy Orton a car it should really be a Dodge Viper, no?

Double staring Orton makes King uncomfortable.

Swagger is wearing my shirt. Available at H+M worldwide…hahaha.

Nathcar’th fineth driverth, Joey Logano and Kyle Buth, I’m Jack Thwagger.

Ohhhh…. the crowd popped for the AWESOME pretty big. I really am liking that the Miz is getting over. (Maybe they said awful.)

Sheamus a free agent? Didn’t he just debut on ECW six months ago? Is he on a T.O. contract?

Santino Melina… I just coined it… (Um, it’s yours.)

Anyone else notice Santino grabbing his crotch when Melina did the splits? Vintage Santino!

“Swoggle” is not “fest” Michael Cole, you can’t put it at the end of anything and make it funny. (I 100% agree.)

Melina’s a screamer. (Thanks for posting, John Morrison. How are the abs?)

Since when does DX use lawyers.

Wait??!!! Did I see Cena actually limping there for a moment there? Don’t tell me he is selling the Iron Man Match.

His 7th title…how the hell does he have more than jericho already? (Or Rock. Or Hogan. Or Hart. Or Austin. Or Michaels. It’s almost as if they move the titles around too fast.)

One of the greatest matches we’ve ever seen? Vintage Hyperbole!

Cena’s bragging about being blown up, but the second he bleeds, the Men In Black come in and try to cover that shit up…

So he is denying them a match because his feud with Orton lasted too long? Yea, that makes sense. Looking forward to your fresh run against Triple H, Cena.

Wow they brought back the nation but in red.

Team Kool Aid vs…? Team Fool aid?…. I’m sorry John I just work with what you give me! (Good effort. You’re in!)

John Cena Talks about reruns, and the number one contender will put Raw back farther into reruns…Triple H!

Wow, I just marked out for Kofi….so hard.

KOFI KINGSTON? He sounds more like KOFI COMPTON….

It’s so odd listening to Kofi without the accent….I kinda miss it, even if it was fake.

Dont you touch my car that …ummm… you are already standing on.

A black person vandalizing a car? VINTAGE racism. (Al Sharpton, is that you?)

After last night, that red paint is the closest you’ll see to the use of “color” in the WWE.

Randy Orton threw Kofi Johnson so hard off the ramp that he slapped the Jamacian accent right out of him!

I think Kofi’s probably gonna need some backup next week….he better call his cousin Ahmed (and whoever gets that reference is awesome like the Miz). (I get it, but no more Ahmed Johnson ever again. Please. I mean please!)

Okay…Eve should not be allowed to announce anything. It’s one of the few times I’ll ever say that she should just shut up and look pretty. (Posted by a woman. Yes, a woman reads my stuff. I’m as shocked as you!)

Kofi could marry Kelly Kelly, then take HER last name…then his initials would be K.K.K. Don’t get mad at me folks…it’s NASCAR night…

What’s Swagger smiling about? Some dude just jumped on him??? (It’s a perma-smile.)

I think it’s quite ironic that Raw is “refreshingly different” the day John’s Raw Roster Evaluation comes out. (I’m the new head booker for Raw. Happy now?)

Oooh, next week has major train wreck potential with those hosts.

OZZY RULES!!! And it would rule even more if Orton punted Sharon Osbourne in the head….for real….

WOW! Ozzy Osbourne and Sharon hosting? Now Jack Swagger has somebody who can understand what he’s mumbling…

OZZY OSBOURNE will be next weeks guest with special guest english translator, Rajan Singh.

Jamie Noble is still on Raw? (Thanks for posting, Jamie Noble.)

Sheamus certainly wouldn’t make it in the Baby Oil Boys Club.

Incidentally I’ll never say anything bad about Sheamus because I’m (a) part irish and (b) have the same hair and ghostly skin colours as him. (Now that’s a loyal fanbase.)

So sherman from american pie grew up and found a weight set……The Sheamanator…. (Awesome reference!)

Sheamus is FLUORESCENT! I hope he never goes to Smackdown and fights the Undertaker. When the lights go out, no one would be able to tell! He’ll just glow!

Somehow Ozzy botching names won’t be the same as Piven or the rest. Ozzy’s botches are humorous in that crazy rock star kinda way.

omg its primo @ 10:55 (He’s a main eventer!)

Hmm… the guy-on-the-floor-cut-to-commercial-spot is not working that well in a lumberjack match. (I know, what a tragedy.)

It’s amazing how many great young guys they’ve teased as possible opponents for Cena and yet, directly after this lumberjack match, Triple H will be announced as the #1 contender. I promise you. (Close!)

LOL @ Santino.. “Get some ANGER!!”

MASTERFUL MASTERPIECE JUST GOT KTFO!!!

Why does Shawn Michaels looks like the Macho Man? (At least Shawn’s going to be in the WWE HOF.)

Santino is slithering? Say it Cole!

And that’s how awesome Raw is! It needed every single member to beat one man! Did they really just book that?

TRIPLE THREAT…!!!!! spare me….. Cue Triple H Heel Turn…. (Yes please.)

I like this move, those two young kids HHH and HBK need a main event push.

My daughter calls John Morrison FluffyPants and says John Cena is the Invisible Man bc you can’t see him. (Thanks for posting, Vince McMahon. Tell Stephanie she’s growing up fast.)

Thanks for the participation as always.

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See you on Thursday for the Smackdown version of the WWE Roster Evaluation. Once again, you can read the Raw Roster Evaluation posted from Monday right here and also note that I’ll be posting Talking Smack on the weekend as well as the ECW Evaluation on Monday.

Thanks for reading. Have a great week.

Smell ya later,
John Canton – [email protected]
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